“This week started out normally enough. We were all sitting around eating sandwiches, talking about how evil Bridget would be if it wasn’t for us and wondering what happened to Phineas… My theory is that there is a metaphysical law about the number of mutants that can be in a room at the same time, and since Bridget is here Phineas can’t be… But anyway we were eating and chatting, when all of a sudden on the news a story came on about a mutant named Solaris who was calling himself Vector. Naturally we sprung into action and went out to the oil platform he had taken over to let him know that he had the wrong name for himself! Having let him know that his name is actually Solaris, he came back to the school with us. Turns out that his power is to rearrange molecules and whatnot! He somehow managed to rearrange his brain to make it not a brain, but still work like a brain… So no telepathy on him… Anyway, turns out he is like 14, so he won’t be coming out on missions with us or anything (since we’re X-men now) but just in case we were ever going to be seen in public with him I took him out to buy him a more respectable wardrobe, and Bridget tagged along so we bought her suitable clothes too.
While we were at the mall we saw some graffiti on the wall advertising a mutant rights rally! So we went to go supervise and make sure that nobody was going to start any trouble we’d have to deal with later. Turns out some guy named Guido who is really strong wanted to come out to the world. He was tired of feeling alone and scared, so he wanted to let other mutants know they aren’t alone! With that rallying cry, Bridget decided to step up on stage and be loud and proud alongside him! Joining them on stage were Captain Jizzopolis (with the incredible ability to emit viscous fluids from his body) and Immortal-suicide-bomber-dude (some guy who has a demon that jumps out of his chest whenever he dies, and then he eventually gets better and the demon presumably crawls back into his chest or something? Doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense… Is the demon also part of his mutant powers? Is it an infestation? We should probably see if we can fix that if it is…) and they all went back to Guido’s place to hang out and party. I stayed back and sent a telepathic message to the only other mutant who showed up asking to meet for coffee. She was in town for some chinese opera, which didn’t make that much sense since I thought she could probably find chinese opera in China (where she was from) but whatever. So we swapped contact info and let her know to call us if she needed help, and so that we could look her up if we were ever in China. Bliss came along to watch my back because she’s an ‘evil villain’ who ’doesn’t understand teamwork or caring’… (sarcasm!)"
Excerpt from Diary as dictated by Adam Douglas to Jacob Smith